Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize