cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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