Your dad touched me again.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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