I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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