do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just googled if crying burns calories
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
