ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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