If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
