I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
