When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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