My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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