Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
