saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
