...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
