totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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