Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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