i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
