God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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