If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
