haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
