so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
