I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize