Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
