You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
