even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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