My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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