Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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