The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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