READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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