I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
