Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
