After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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