I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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