Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
