So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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