Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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