Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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