I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
