so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
