Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
