I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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