so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
