i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
