I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
