At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
