if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize