When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
