Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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