I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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