Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
