I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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