Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
