I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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