what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
