Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
