so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize