Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
