I wish I could teleport
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
