Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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