Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
