Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just invented taco cereal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
