I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
