Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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