dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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