God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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