FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
