Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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