She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize