I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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