i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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