3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't deserve a penis
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
