Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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