im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
