like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
