ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize