Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
