Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
