But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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