my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
