I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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